Chander's diary (a novel)

Chander leaned closer to her and looked at her face, there were vivid shades of grey… of memories which were clearly wearing away, a confusing fear of what was to come about, a telling strain as if trying too hard to take in all that she was seeing, and yet a distinct color of affection which made her face so warm. He couldn’t help but put his arms around her in a close embrace, as if he was trying to hold on to what she had, to not let it weather away any further, and, he told himself, in a selfish pursuit to hold himself closer to an era long gone by, to draw himself near to moments which seemed so distant in time, and yet so close to his heart.

Time, it is such an amazing thing, he thought. In the journey of life, it changes dimensions at different points in the wide spectrum of a lifetime. It is so linear in the beginning… school to college to a job, half-pants to jeans, girlfriends to a wife, a bike to a small car to a big car… it just all progresses so linearly, as if all time had was a single line, albeit with a rich curve here and there. And looking at her grandmother now he realized how linear it was as you approached the opposite other spectrum of life, increasingly one had less to look forward to, and more to hold on to. It all reversed, memories traveling back in time, and fading away as the line of time grew longer. And yet, in the middle of the expanse of one’s life, time seemed to assume multiple dimensions. It stretches on behind and beyond, it exists in multiple eras at the same time, he reminded himself, much as 8am in London and 4pm in Singapore at the same time.

His grandmother led him onto a journey that stretched back in time and yet portrayed itself in such lucid details that it seemed here and real. And yet he reveled in the dreams for future that he often indulged in… the richness of life’s experiences that the future held out, the ripening smell of fulfillment in after-years that made today fragrant. And of course, the whole next generation of family around him that helped conjure up vibrant images of future so worth looking forward to, and at times, so real in being a reason to smile on a rainy day.

He looked back in his grandmother’s eyes, realizing she could use it more effectively to converse with him now than her failing voice. He held her closer and warm, and nodded, and almost on cue, she smiled along with him.